Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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