my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
