Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
