if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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