Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
