When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
