Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
