just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
