"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
