3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
no, he came in my armpit
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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