Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
