im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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