stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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