I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
