No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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