No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
