she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
