And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
