If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
