Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
