We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
