i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I enjoy the company of your penis
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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