Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
