I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
