Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
