Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
