I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
