I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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