Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
