i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
