I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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