guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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