u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
