Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
