Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
