It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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