Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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