He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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