There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
