i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
