you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
