You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
