You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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