she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
