yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
