how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
