just tell him i said nine months
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
