i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
