I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
