i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
