And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
