I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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