I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There r osticjed everywhere
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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