I just saw a hot homeless man
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
