A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
