he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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